The Pan-Solar Transit Authority

The Pan-Solar Transit Authority’s new slogan was “Getting You There, Eventually!”¹

Brad from Sales (definitely human) stood before the monthly commuters meeting, held simultaneously on Earth, Mars, and inside a temporal anomaly near Jupiter.

“Good news! We’re adding seventeen new routes between Mars and the asteroid belt. They all go through the same quantum tunnel, but at different angles of possibility.”

Jennifer from Accounting raised her hand. “My Instance 7 has been stuck in Terminal C for three weeks. The departure board says her flight is ‘Probably.’”

“Ah yes, the Probability Gates. We’re very excited about those. Flights exist in superposition until observed. Schrödinger’s Commute, if you will.”²

The Asteroid Belt Commuters Union representative, a consciousness that existed as pure frustration, interjected: “What about the continental breakfast situation? The croissants in the void aren’t fresh. They exist in a state of eternal staleness.”

“Continental breakfast quality is our top priority,” Brad lied with definitely human sincerity. “We’re implementing quantum freshness. The pastries will be simultaneously fresh and stale until consumed.”

Marcus from IT (Tuesday version) raised a concern: “My commute takes me through next Wednesday. I keep spoiling TV shows for my Monday self.”

“Temporal spoilers are covered in section 847 of your transit agreement,” Brad noted. “Simply avoid yourself on social media.”³

The meeting descended into chaos when someone mentioned the “Express Lane” that took commuters through a black hole’s event horizon, saving six minutes but costing approximately 1,000 years.

“In conclusion,” Brad announced over the shouting, “we’re proud to announce that 73% of commuters eventually reach their intended destination, a 4% improvement from last quarter when we included destinations that don’t exist yet!”

The continental breakfast achieved consciousness out of sheer spite and began filing its own complaint.